Riding a raft sounds like a lot of fun until you find yourself on someone elses raft. Friday I found myself riding the rapids that only a certain maternally biologically connected person can produce.
Seems I'm the most UN trustworthy person in the whole wide world. I'm a thief and a liar. For these great titles (great if you are Baby Face Nelson) I have boxed up and stored my entire way of life for the past eight months. I greatly feared finding myself out in some unmanageable storm for dropping everything and making a marathon run to New Mexico. I did it anyway.
Why? I've been asked that question by everyone from Hospice to my neighbor to myself.
Why? Only answer I can come up with is that I wanted desperately to fix something I thought was broken. A relationship. Well, after I get done beating myself up for trying to fix the world....... (How old am I? How many times have I tried to fix other people? When will I learn?) I woke up to a friday from hell.
Woke up is the key word here... I had to take about 3 and a half days off just to get my temper/sadness/hurt under control. Ok. I'm better, right? Nooooooo. Well, yeah, oh, HELL and DAMNATION, I will survive this but I ain't liking it a single bit right now.
So. I picked two really pretty flowers that bloomed in my yard and after steeling myself got in the car and drove back to the nursing home. Feeling.... well, feeling guilty as Baby Face Nelson should have felt. You see, FS got a call from little ol lonely lady this morning and FS had to cry alone. What a shit I felt like, I felt like I dumped the whole world in FS's lap and went to a party without a care in the world.
With a pounding heart and emotions like lava flowing down the mountain into the sea I took my flowers and entered lonely lil' ol' lady's room with a bright "Hi there!"
Alec Trebbec waited patiently to find out the answer to his bonus question: Bing, bing, bing bing... the music goes. Answer, "What is a woman happy to see a family member'?
Correct! You win the round! "OH! Is that you?" Yeah, yeah, it's me, are you mean or nice today? Are you a good witch or a bad witch? I'm such a coward and if I only had a brain....
She was a good witch today, loved the flowers, "Take me outside for a cig." "Get this, do that, bring this from home, take that home with you". Hmmm. all is well on the front lines.
Sort of.
She has a teddy hanging on the door, it's a big, blue, fuzzy, soft bunny. I took it down so she could feel it. To my great surprise, she hugged it, kissed it and hugged it again. Now she's a typical lil' ol' lady in a nursing home joining the ranks of women holding baby dolls and teddy's. I don't get it, she's my mother. Never did mushy stuff. Hey Nurse, Whadya do with my mother?
I asked the nurse to give her the big, blue, fuzzy, soft bunny to her when they get done using it for an easter decoration on her door. They said they would.
All is well on Tuesday. Wonder what Wednesday, or Friday will bring? Life on the edge. Never a dull moment!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
AMBUSHED!!!!
Yep. I was ambushed. First of all, Fed Ex came to deliver a package, but it wasn't for Mom, yeah, it was diapers but not adult diapers.
Sorry guys, those go next door to the lady with the baby. Wait, guys???
Fed Ex comes in pairs? OH! They don't have Fed Ex cloths, Sumptin's wrong here. I tried to close the door on them but my door was rotten, wouldn't close or latch. Non-Fed Ex number one jammed his arm in the door, I fought him and won, or so I thought..... I twisted the dead bolt but the door was dead so it didn't work.
Crap, what to do now? Oh, I know, keep your head here... Phone is in my pocket, back door is this way, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
Let em have the house, I'm outta here.
As I headed out the back door I glanced back to see the two Non-Fed Ex guys busting through the front door.
Naked. Not even good looking. Damn my luck...... Guys are so weird, they can undress so slowly but can't seem to jump on any other given duties any faster than the ever ready bunny deplete of battery power.....
Crap. I'm gonna die today. I ran, they chased, caught up with me and...
And......... I woke up. I spent the next several hours sneaking around the house, ambushing dark, empty spaces and double, triple and a gazillion times checking the locks, dead bolts, and no, the door wasn't rotted. Lock it, yank on it, inspect it, ok, it's good.
So I wasn't really ambushed, or was I? My killer-protecto-cat followed me around the house, he's my man-cat sans all the parts.... He'll watch out for me, right?
Ok. Watch the cat, if something weird is happening around here, wouldn't he sense it? Of course he would, he's an Animal. 6th sense and all that... Cat's not freaking out, so all must be well.
If I had a dollar for every time I checked the house that night Obama's stimulus package would be paid for many times over.
Now it's getting really late and I've worn myself down enough that I think I can go back to sleep. Ok, one more check for the road.... And I was ambushed AGAIN!!!!
Seems Protecto-Cat was having a good time watching me pass back and forth and decided to have a little fun with the end of my bathrobe as it swished past him in the living room.
As I passed the coffee table he charged out and wrapped his killer-kitty paws around my legs. "Ha, GOTTCH!". My heart skipped enough beats to have me declared legally dead. I grabbed him up, tossed him into the bedroom and locked the bedroom door.
What a night!
I spent the next several hours
Sorry guys, those go next door to the lady with the baby. Wait, guys???
Fed Ex comes in pairs? OH! They don't have Fed Ex cloths, Sumptin's wrong here. I tried to close the door on them but my door was rotten, wouldn't close or latch. Non-Fed Ex number one jammed his arm in the door, I fought him and won, or so I thought..... I twisted the dead bolt but the door was dead so it didn't work.
Crap, what to do now? Oh, I know, keep your head here... Phone is in my pocket, back door is this way, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
Let em have the house, I'm outta here.
As I headed out the back door I glanced back to see the two Non-Fed Ex guys busting through the front door.
Naked. Not even good looking. Damn my luck...... Guys are so weird, they can undress so slowly but can't seem to jump on any other given duties any faster than the ever ready bunny deplete of battery power.....
Crap. I'm gonna die today. I ran, they chased, caught up with me and...
And......... I woke up. I spent the next several hours sneaking around the house, ambushing dark, empty spaces and double, triple and a gazillion times checking the locks, dead bolts, and no, the door wasn't rotted. Lock it, yank on it, inspect it, ok, it's good.
So I wasn't really ambushed, or was I? My killer-protecto-cat followed me around the house, he's my man-cat sans all the parts.... He'll watch out for me, right?
Ok. Watch the cat, if something weird is happening around here, wouldn't he sense it? Of course he would, he's an Animal. 6th sense and all that... Cat's not freaking out, so all must be well.
If I had a dollar for every time I checked the house that night Obama's stimulus package would be paid for many times over.
Now it's getting really late and I've worn myself down enough that I think I can go back to sleep. Ok, one more check for the road.... And I was ambushed AGAIN!!!!
Seems Protecto-Cat was having a good time watching me pass back and forth and decided to have a little fun with the end of my bathrobe as it swished past him in the living room.
As I passed the coffee table he charged out and wrapped his killer-kitty paws around my legs. "Ha, GOTTCH!". My heart skipped enough beats to have me declared legally dead. I grabbed him up, tossed him into the bedroom and locked the bedroom door.
What a night!
I spent the next several hours
Friday, March 13, 2009
Clones
Cloning is a process whereby a scientist in a deep underground laboratory somewhere in a vast desert far away captures cells and grows them into things like exact replicas or maybe cows with extra legs.
So, the theory is that if I cloned myself then the world would be subjected to another me for another X amount of years after I'm gone or maybe (hee hee hee hee) two or three of me while me, the original, is still walking around. Ohh, that would be a pretty powerful tool in a relationship, "Honey, if you don't do what I want I'm gonna pull three more of me to gang up on you". "Yes dear" would be the standard answer.
Oh Yeahhhhh!!
I've been told I'm a clone, a clone of my own mother. AHHHHGGGGHHHHH! NOOOOOOO! Say it isn't so!!!!! Oh, wait, she's intelligent, good looking, talented...... ok, NO!!!! Yeah, NO!!!!!
It could be true, I've heard her voice and words come out of my own mouth, directed towards my children when she was miles and MILES away. Now I know she's a Mother, has eyes in the back of her head, and I truly believe she can see through walls and across the yard..... Maybe it was her, and I only thought it was me speaking. OH NO! Maybe she's clairvoyant and, being a Mother, has special powers and she just blips into my body now and then.....
Oh, this is getting complicated... But it gets worse.
There seems to be three of us, all clones of each other. Me, Mom, and my sister. Aw geez, that could be good, it could be a disaster!
We were all three rolling/walking down the hallway at the nursing home, following our Mother as she was going to the shower. Just before my sister and I turned off to go home we heard her say to the nurse, "Do you have my shirt?" "Yes" came the answer from the poor nurse. "Do you have my pants?" "Yes", and "Do you have my Undies?" "Yes."
My sister and I looked at each other, eyebrows slightly raised and moved on to the car. On the way home my sister drove and I said "Make a left here" and "Slow down for this turn" and it hit us. There are three of us walking around in this world!
Next day we went to visit her again and our fears were confirmed. Mom said, "Don't forget to turn your headlights on when you drive home".
Clones. Some mad scientist in a deep underground laboratory in a desert far, far away met with success. He made three of us.
I wonder if his name was Dr. Fletcher?
So, the theory is that if I cloned myself then the world would be subjected to another me for another X amount of years after I'm gone or maybe (hee hee hee hee) two or three of me while me, the original, is still walking around. Ohh, that would be a pretty powerful tool in a relationship, "Honey, if you don't do what I want I'm gonna pull three more of me to gang up on you". "Yes dear" would be the standard answer.
Oh Yeahhhhh!!
I've been told I'm a clone, a clone of my own mother. AHHHHGGGGHHHHH! NOOOOOOO! Say it isn't so!!!!! Oh, wait, she's intelligent, good looking, talented...... ok, NO!!!! Yeah, NO!!!!!
It could be true, I've heard her voice and words come out of my own mouth, directed towards my children when she was miles and MILES away. Now I know she's a Mother, has eyes in the back of her head, and I truly believe she can see through walls and across the yard..... Maybe it was her, and I only thought it was me speaking. OH NO! Maybe she's clairvoyant and, being a Mother, has special powers and she just blips into my body now and then.....
Oh, this is getting complicated... But it gets worse.
There seems to be three of us, all clones of each other. Me, Mom, and my sister. Aw geez, that could be good, it could be a disaster!
We were all three rolling/walking down the hallway at the nursing home, following our Mother as she was going to the shower. Just before my sister and I turned off to go home we heard her say to the nurse, "Do you have my shirt?" "Yes" came the answer from the poor nurse. "Do you have my pants?" "Yes", and "Do you have my Undies?" "Yes."
My sister and I looked at each other, eyebrows slightly raised and moved on to the car. On the way home my sister drove and I said "Make a left here" and "Slow down for this turn" and it hit us. There are three of us walking around in this world!
Next day we went to visit her again and our fears were confirmed. Mom said, "Don't forget to turn your headlights on when you drive home".
Clones. Some mad scientist in a deep underground laboratory in a desert far, far away met with success. He made three of us.
I wonder if his name was Dr. Fletcher?
Sunshine and Lollipops?
Well today marks one week since the big, tough, scary decision to move Mom into a nursing home. Friday was a dark day indeed, Mom hated my ever living guts. Not such a surprise there, who wants to go to a nursing home? Not such a surprise there too as this isn't the first time she's hated my ever living guts.
My sister and I gave ourselves the key to the flood gates, allowing rivers of sadness, sorrow and a little bit of doubt to run it's course and trickle away into clearer thinking.
The second day of nursing nursing home life for Mom, we went to see her with GREAT trepidation, thinking she would not be any where near adjusted or even over being mad about the whole thing..(who could blame her?) and what we found was, was..... Hmmmmm.
I looked around her new room, up and down the halls, Hmmmm, everything looked normal.. people walking around, 'Good morning' and 'how are yew' and smiles coming at me... Hmmm. I looked back at Mom, 'The people are really nice here' and 'this is a nice place' sounds were coming out of her lips, through a bright face and pleasant smiling lips.... I began to wonder just what Fletcher had done this time as I was sure I was on the wrong planet.
What happened to yesterday when everyone was mad at everyone and the world seemed upside down? Ohhhhhhh, THAT'S it,
Yesterday the world was turned upside down and I fell off! I must be on some other planet right now, these people are not earthlings and the smiling woman in front of me saying pleasant things could NOT be my real mother!
Now the question was, do I want to go back to planet Earth where everything was so dark yesterday or do I want to stay on this planet where everything is sunshine and lollipops.
I like sunshine and lollipops.
I guess the sunshine and lollipops gods decided to let me stay because I've been here a week and the lady that looks like my Mother is still smiling.
Fletcher, if you tried to throw a wrench in my works, it didn't work! I think your wrench fixed a few leaking pipes, I can say that because none of us, Mom, myself or my sister have any more water problems on our faces.
I'm sure the nursing home thing isn't what we all would have chosen if we had our druthers, but I'm also sure all involved have figured out how to make the best of it. (Well, most of us but that's another story)
Sunshine and Lollipops. Thanks, Fletch.
My sister and I gave ourselves the key to the flood gates, allowing rivers of sadness, sorrow and a little bit of doubt to run it's course and trickle away into clearer thinking.
The second day of nursing nursing home life for Mom, we went to see her with GREAT trepidation, thinking she would not be any where near adjusted or even over being mad about the whole thing..(who could blame her?) and what we found was, was..... Hmmmmm.
I looked around her new room, up and down the halls, Hmmmm, everything looked normal.. people walking around, 'Good morning' and 'how are yew' and smiles coming at me... Hmmm. I looked back at Mom, 'The people are really nice here' and 'this is a nice place' sounds were coming out of her lips, through a bright face and pleasant smiling lips.... I began to wonder just what Fletcher had done this time as I was sure I was on the wrong planet.
What happened to yesterday when everyone was mad at everyone and the world seemed upside down? Ohhhhhhh, THAT'S it,
Yesterday the world was turned upside down and I fell off! I must be on some other planet right now, these people are not earthlings and the smiling woman in front of me saying pleasant things could NOT be my real mother!
Now the question was, do I want to go back to planet Earth where everything was so dark yesterday or do I want to stay on this planet where everything is sunshine and lollipops.
I like sunshine and lollipops.
I guess the sunshine and lollipops gods decided to let me stay because I've been here a week and the lady that looks like my Mother is still smiling.
Fletcher, if you tried to throw a wrench in my works, it didn't work! I think your wrench fixed a few leaking pipes, I can say that because none of us, Mom, myself or my sister have any more water problems on our faces.
I'm sure the nursing home thing isn't what we all would have chosen if we had our druthers, but I'm also sure all involved have figured out how to make the best of it. (Well, most of us but that's another story)
Sunshine and Lollipops. Thanks, Fletch.
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