Sunday, October 10, 2010

Wart Hog Dollar Store and the Clown Motel

Driving up route 95 north of Las Vegas was one of the prettiest rides I had taken in a long time. It sure is nice to have a job where I get paid to tour the country. In the mix of beautiful sights I also see some very interesting things. I saw some signs warning me that there might be cows and bulls crossing the road. Why? Because cows free-range out there, no fences anywhere except around Area 51, the secret government base where they hide aliens or what-ever they do there that we-the-people can't know about. I was in a mini-market standing in line while a tourist asked the clerk some questions. I overheard the clerk telling the tourist that at Area 51 he needed to stay out of the desert because the guards would chase him out with big guns. I guess that's good information to have.. I didn't see any guards or aliens or even an UFO. Darn my luck!

I had been driving for about 500 miles and started thinking about where I wanted to spend the night. I got the map out and decided I would try the town of Toponah, Nevada. Many of those towns along the mountain route were old gold, silver or copper mining towns, maybe I could get a motel and be a tourist for a day.

I drove another 150 miles and entered the little town of Toponah, I knew I was nearing the town because the speed limit signs asked me to slow down, from 70 to 65, from 65 to 45, then 35 and finally 25. I gladly obeyed, there was so much to see..

"Welcome to Toponah" the sign said. "Thank you", I said. I noticed a small sign on the right that beckoned me to 'get my gold weighed here'. No thanks, I don't have any today. I saw a McDonalds. 'Oh, a modern town', I thought. On my left was a block building, no bigger that a two car garage, which is what it probably started out to be before it became the "Wart-Hog Dollar Store". I passed by it, didn't need to spend a dollar at that time.

Moving on, I came into the downtown area. To my right was the tallest building in town, about 5 stories, way up in the sky, and etched into the false front at the top, way up in the sky, were the words 'First Bank of Toponah, 1907'. It was made out of hand-hewn sandstone blocks. Neat. Next block down and across the street was a similar building, only 3 stories high, labeled "Hotel and Saloon". The sign was wood and the paint was fading. The building was empty and boarded up.

A block or so later I left the 'downtown' area and found a motel on the left, named "the Clown Motel". There were gaudy paintings of huge pink clowns all over the building and on the sign. Yikes. I wondered several things about this strange apparition on the outskirts of Toponah.

First: Who the HECK would stay in a Clown Motel? Don't people KNOW that clowns are evil?
Second: I wonder what the decor is inside? Clown sheets and pillow cases? 'Come, my dear, lay your head here'. No Thank You! I would rather sleep leaning on the wall. But wait, they probably had clown wall paper, clowns every where, just waiting for you to get close enough to grab you.

What about the bathroom in the Clown Motel? What kind of motif could they possibly have? Clown towels? Clown noses, hands and eyes for faucets and door knobs? Oh, and the toilet, think about it, a huge clown mouth for a toilet seat. "Come my dear, sit here".

No thank you, I'm really in the mood to go squat under a bush and risk making a scorpion or a rattle snake mad when I pee on them.

I decided that Toponah wasn't a safe town to stay in, clowns could get loose and run amok during the night, then who knows what kind of things could happen.

I left that town, and drove another 100 miles to the next town. I found a safe place to sleep there, hoping the clowns stayed in Toponah!

4 comments:

  1. Ha! Love the night-marish possibilities of what a clown-hotel room might look light. eeeeeeee.

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  2. Oddly enough, I had a nightmare about Mom that night..

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  3. OMFG I HATE clowns!

    Many moons ago my b/f's[ at the time]frined got a job as a clown. I had no idea until I was ruinning late for work,opened my door to leave and was confronted with a clown on the other side of the door!!! Just eerily standing there 2 inches infront of me.He'd been about to knock just as I flung open the door. I let out an almighty scream!!! And 24 yrs later, I am still freaked out about it!
    Fuckng clowns they are monsters for adults!

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  4. time for a new post. I'm working on one. It's got to include sharp toenails, my birthday and the fact that a guy died last night in the parking lot outside our hotel window.

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