Baby on the shelf

Isn't she cute? I named her Alley. Aww, so cute, such a quiet baby, haven't heard her cry yet, she doesn't fuss when I hold her...

I found her laying on a shelf. I was appalled that someone would leave a nearly newborn baby laying on the edge of a shelf 3 feet from a hard floor, but, well, people do strange things. 'Specially in these-here parts.

When I first saw her lying on the shelf, I thought someone had given her black eyes, you know, popped her one. Turns out the 'black eye' affect was simply new-born veins that show on, well, new-borns.

After exclaiming loudly, "There's a BABY on this shelf!", the real owner came over and offered to let me hold her. The owner picked the poor baby up by ONE ARM. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. But the baby didn't fuss, she just hung there like a rag doll. I was becoming more and more confused by the second. Is the kid dead? Mentally challenged? Comatose? And, why in the world was it laying on the edge of a shelf???

Turns out it IS a rag doll. Oh, what a relief, the thing isn't a poor abused, neglected and abandoned real kid after all. Ok, I regathered my scattered thoughts and emotions enough to ask some questions about it. The owner makes these things, (so stinking REAL looking) and sells them, for upwards to 400 buckaroos. Cheaper than a real baby and a whole lot less trouble, I guess. "What's with the bruised eyes?" I asked. The owner explained that she buys plain looking-life-sized baby dolls and paints new-born veins into them, puts a little make-up on, glues some hair on and dresses them up. Stinking spooky things sell like hot-cakes.

Now, I am positively SPOOKED OUT by real-looking dolls, well, ok, fake-looking ones too. And the owner wants me to hold the thing. Trying not to make a face, (I failed at that attempt), I held my arms out to take it. She gently (gently after scooping it up by one arm?) placed it in my outstretched arms, as though it were really alive.

I sort of held it at arms length, feeling Owners questioning eyes on my, I'm sure wondering why I was acting like it was a python or something. I gave it back, explaining that it looked really nice, I was sorry, but it spooked me out. Yeah, well, she thinks I'm weird!

I tried to continue my work day and forget the whole thing but, honestly, I tried really hard to avoid that part of the deli until the thing went home! I think she might be a cousin to Chucky, or maybe one of those Children of the Corn. I don't know, I don't care, just keep it away from me!