AMBUSHED!!!!

Yep. I was ambushed. First of all, Fed Ex came to deliver a package, but it wasn't for Mom, yeah, it was diapers but not adult diapers.

Sorry guys, those go next door to the lady with the baby. Wait, guys???

Fed Ex comes in pairs? OH! They don't have Fed Ex cloths, Sumptin's wrong here. I tried to close the door on them but my door was rotten, wouldn't close or latch. Non-Fed Ex number one jammed his arm in the door, I fought him and won, or so I thought..... I twisted the dead bolt but the door was dead so it didn't work.

Crap, what to do now? Oh, I know, keep your head here... Phone is in my pocket, back door is this way, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

Let em have the house, I'm outta here.

As I headed out the back door I glanced back to see the two Non-Fed Ex guys busting through the front door.

Naked. Not even good looking. Damn my luck...... Guys are so weird, they can undress so slowly but can't seem to jump on any other given duties any faster than the ever ready bunny deplete of battery power.....

Crap. I'm gonna die today. I ran, they chased, caught up with me and...

And......... I woke up. I spent the next several hours sneaking around the house, ambushing dark, empty spaces and double, triple and a gazillion times checking the locks, dead bolts, and no, the door wasn't rotted. Lock it, yank on it, inspect it, ok, it's good.

So I wasn't really ambushed, or was I? My killer-protecto-cat followed me around the house, he's my man-cat sans all the parts.... He'll watch out for me, right?

Ok. Watch the cat, if something weird is happening around here, wouldn't he sense it? Of course he would, he's an Animal. 6th sense and all that... Cat's not freaking out, so all must be well.

If I had a dollar for every time I checked the house that night Obama's stimulus package would be paid for many times over.

Now it's getting really late and I've worn myself down enough that I think I can go back to sleep. Ok, one more check for the road.... And I was ambushed AGAIN!!!!

Seems Protecto-Cat was having a good time watching me pass back and forth and decided to have a little fun with the end of my bathrobe as it swished past him in the living room.

As I passed the coffee table he charged out and wrapped his killer-kitty paws around my legs. "Ha, GOTTCH!". My heart skipped enough beats to have me declared legally dead. I grabbed him up, tossed him into the bedroom and locked the bedroom door.

What a night!

I spent the next several hours