I guess this story starts at a panera bread, where I sat with a friend eating broccoli and cheese soup washed down with 1/2 an ham and cheese sandwich. MMM, mmm, good, except now my mouth feels funny, some kind of lump.... Oh, CRAP, I broke a tooth.
Must have been that crunchy soup.. oh, maybe the crunch was my tooth part going down..
Hey, calcium for the day, right? I spent the rest of the weekend trying not to slice and dice, and consequently, eat my tongue on the sharp edge of what remained of my tooth.
Fast forward about 850 miles, (I broke the tooth on an away trip for Easter), sitting on the edge of Mom's bed in the nursing home. Telling her I broke a tooth and have an appointment the next morning so I might not make it in to see the the next day.
Response?
"Bring me some more books on tape." "The food is horrible here, I haven't eaten in days, bring me food." "Bring me batteries for my radio"
MOM, I'll be feeling like CRAP tomorrow, I might not make it!! Answer? "Take a nap in the car before you come here, and don't forget my books on tape..... Bring me some hot soup, too".
OHHHH! Yeah, dummy, THIS IS WHY SHE IS IN A NURSING HOME!!! The woman has no heart for other's needs. I don't think she ever has... Ok, maybe that's harsh. But being awakened at 3am to change the channel on the tv makes a person a little rough around the edges. Grrrr.
So I went to the dentist this morning, quaking in my brave truck-driver boots. (please don't hurt me, Mr. Dentist, please, please??)
Mr. Dentist was so nice, he told his assistant to give me some gas. (Is that why they all wear masks? Oh, wrong kind of gas..)
The mask goes on and I hear the assistant say something like "better you breathing this stuff than me." What The F*** Does That Mean??? I don't care, I'm scared, I'm scared and I'm scared. I have a terrible allergy to pain, needles and the little drilling sound in my mouth that translates like a oil rig digging 7 miles deep. So go ahead, gas me, if I die, I won't have to get my tooth fixed.
I started to relax, and my mind went to Kirsty Alley in the movie "Look Who's Talking". She is laying on the birthing table (I'm laying on the torture table), she's in pain, (I'm in pain), she wants the pain to stop, ( well, DUH!) and they give her something for pain. (Me too, don't forget about meeeee!)
Her eyes get dreamy, her body relaxes, "Ah, " Kirsty and I say together, "that's so much better".
I thought for a moment I would be able to sleep through the whole thing, 3 and 1/2 hours of drilling, grinding, more shots, shivering cold from the gas, open wide, a little pressure, turn right..... The words are far away. Is the buzzing I hear in my head or around my head? I don't know... I think I dozed, not sure. Now I'm home, had my extended nap, I haven't found my face yet but I'm sure it's there....
Mom left a message for me to bring her batteries. Sorry Mom, you have batteries in your drawer there, I'm in my pajama's and staying that way.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
HOT MAMA
Well, I went to see Mom today at the nursing home. She wasn't in her room but a quick check on my watch told me it was smoke hour so I bee-lined it to the smoke room, and, lo, there she was, head to head with her new friend Vi. Wait.... did I say new friend? I though Mom didn't make friends?! Let alone become friendly enough to be leaning towards her new friend (WHAT?) and gossiping.
Now, wait, dear reader, this is not a fiction story, this is the Gawd-Awful Truth!
"Hi Mom" I sing as I come in, feeling my way through the blue air in the six by six room. There are 4 people in the room, all puffing away and, wait for it, wait, wait for it....
Gossiping. NO, really! 'Did you hear about the old lady that went out on a stretcher today?' was one thing I [think] I heard as I peered through the smoke.
"Oh, is that you, thing one, I mean thing three?" (truth is she said our names but I digress)
"It's me, Mom" I answer. "Oh, Vi and I were just talking about you!". I'm thinking for the gazillianth time, what did they do with my real mother and I respond, "I hope it was all good!"
New-Friend-Vi responds "It was all good!" snerk, giggle, puff, slobber, "can you put my ciggarette out?" askes one of the human chimneys, DC. I dutifully put his cig out in the ashtray while Mom says "Mr. Thurmon pushes my wheel chair sometimes, don't you Mr. Thurmon? Is he in here?"
"Uh, yeah, he's sitting in the corner, Mom," I say. Mom says, sort of primping-like, "He pushes my wheel chair sometimes" again.
I look at the nurse standing guard at the door, questioning with my eyes, 'what did you do with my mother? I shrug, she shrugs.
"Mr. Thurmon, do you push Mom's wheel chair for her?" I ask the old guy. He has a four claw cane sitting beside him, never heard him say much although he did sing 'In the Garden' with me on Friday..
"Yuh" he says. I look at Mom, she's still primping. She actually LIKES it that Mr. Thurmon pushes her wheel chair! Oh, wait, there's more. Wait for it.....
"DC pushes my chair too sometimes," says this little old lady I don't really know with a smile on her face.
"I guess these men like pushing a good looking lady's chair down the hall, huh, Mom?" No answer, just more primping.
"Here, put my cig out and lets go back to the room". I guess the flirt moment was over. She calls out over her shoulder to her New-Friend-Vi, "See you in an hour, Vi!"
Maybe I'll wake up soon, maybe I don't want to.... The other day she said she hated womens sports. "Why?" asks the dumb daughter in ALL innocence. Answer? Because she doesn't like all that stuff flopping around (under their shirts) when they run. WTF? (Who are you, lady, cause you're not my prim and proper mother, you know, the one who scolds ME for having a POTTY mouth??!!)
Oh, I am so dumb, I ask her if she likes Men's sports. OMG, I got an answer. "Oh, yes, they have more interesting stuff flopping around."
Ok. Whatever. At least it was a happy visit!
Now, wait, dear reader, this is not a fiction story, this is the Gawd-Awful Truth!
"Hi Mom" I sing as I come in, feeling my way through the blue air in the six by six room. There are 4 people in the room, all puffing away and, wait for it, wait, wait for it....
Gossiping. NO, really! 'Did you hear about the old lady that went out on a stretcher today?' was one thing I [think] I heard as I peered through the smoke.
"Oh, is that you, thing one, I mean thing three?" (truth is she said our names but I digress)
"It's me, Mom" I answer. "Oh, Vi and I were just talking about you!". I'm thinking for the gazillianth time, what did they do with my real mother and I respond, "I hope it was all good!"
New-Friend-Vi responds "It was all good!" snerk, giggle, puff, slobber, "can you put my ciggarette out?" askes one of the human chimneys, DC. I dutifully put his cig out in the ashtray while Mom says "Mr. Thurmon pushes my wheel chair sometimes, don't you Mr. Thurmon? Is he in here?"
"Uh, yeah, he's sitting in the corner, Mom," I say. Mom says, sort of primping-like, "He pushes my wheel chair sometimes" again.
I look at the nurse standing guard at the door, questioning with my eyes, 'what did you do with my mother? I shrug, she shrugs.
"Mr. Thurmon, do you push Mom's wheel chair for her?" I ask the old guy. He has a four claw cane sitting beside him, never heard him say much although he did sing 'In the Garden' with me on Friday..
"Yuh" he says. I look at Mom, she's still primping. She actually LIKES it that Mr. Thurmon pushes her wheel chair! Oh, wait, there's more. Wait for it.....
"DC pushes my chair too sometimes," says this little old lady I don't really know with a smile on her face.
"I guess these men like pushing a good looking lady's chair down the hall, huh, Mom?" No answer, just more primping.
"Here, put my cig out and lets go back to the room". I guess the flirt moment was over. She calls out over her shoulder to her New-Friend-Vi, "See you in an hour, Vi!"
Maybe I'll wake up soon, maybe I don't want to.... The other day she said she hated womens sports. "Why?" asks the dumb daughter in ALL innocence. Answer? Because she doesn't like all that stuff flopping around (under their shirts) when they run. WTF? (Who are you, lady, cause you're not my prim and proper mother, you know, the one who scolds ME for having a POTTY mouth??!!)
Oh, I am so dumb, I ask her if she likes Men's sports. OMG, I got an answer. "Oh, yes, they have more interesting stuff flopping around."
Ok. Whatever. At least it was a happy visit!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Instant slow motion
I got up this morning with a list of things I needed to do for the maternal figure. Gather some short sleeve shirts, some tapes, writing paper, sweat shirts. The cloths needed to be washed so like the dutiful daughter (pre-teen eye roll here) I am, I started the wash.
I love doing the wash, no, really, I love doing the wash. I use a wringer washer dated sometime in the '40's and it still works like a charm. I'm dated sometime in the '50's and I wish I worked that well! But I digress:
Got the first load washed, wrung, rinsed and wrung again, stuffed a basket of cloths under my arm and grabbed a bucket of cloths pins. I'm such a good daughter. (pre-teen eye roll here).
The weather channel told me it was 54 degrees out there. That's 32 degrees above freezing.
So, I'm wondering how I managed to go skiing on the back steps that defied the thermometer and remained icy....
It happened so fast! Well, the knowledge that I was on a slippery slope happened fast. Once it was in my head that I was going to get from the top of the porch to the ground at lightning speed, time went instantly into slow-mo.
The whole deal was pretty slick. No, not slippery slick, well, yeah, slippery slick. Let me try again.
The whole deal was pretty cool! Hmm, Well, DUH, things can be icy only if it's cool. Let me try again.
I pulled this fall off pretty well. Hmm, well, no, gravity pulled me down.......
ANYWAY! My heal slipped on the top step and from there my heal slipped of each step until my foot hit the ground. So, Mr. Gravity, you pulled me down the steps but I stayed upright all the way down! But, the ground must not have had the same weather information the steps had, because the ground was NOT slippery. The ground seemed to be acting as though it really was 54 degrees out, so as a result, my foot STOPPED moving as soon as it hit the {warm} HUH? ground.
That's when gravity won the battle with me. But fear not, I won the war on this fall, I jumped up, looked around to make sure I wasn't SEEN by anyone and then looked to see how bad the laundry and cloths pins fared.
The laundry basket was sitting innocently, full, not dirty, as though I put it down gently. HUH! The cloths pins didn't do so well. As I was S-L-O-W-L-Y sliding bump, bump, bump down the stairs (at lightning speed), I found enough time to notice that my cloths pins were jumping out of the bucket like rats jumping off a sinking ship.
So I survived a 4 and a half foot drop that had 4 boards in the way that could have... oh I don't want to think of how those stair/boards could have hurt me, and came out of it with a few bruises, a bucket of scattered cloths pins and a bunch of wounded pride.
I love doing the wash, no, really, I love doing the wash. I use a wringer washer dated sometime in the '40's and it still works like a charm. I'm dated sometime in the '50's and I wish I worked that well! But I digress:
Got the first load washed, wrung, rinsed and wrung again, stuffed a basket of cloths under my arm and grabbed a bucket of cloths pins. I'm such a good daughter. (pre-teen eye roll here).
The weather channel told me it was 54 degrees out there. That's 32 degrees above freezing.
So, I'm wondering how I managed to go skiing on the back steps that defied the thermometer and remained icy....
It happened so fast! Well, the knowledge that I was on a slippery slope happened fast. Once it was in my head that I was going to get from the top of the porch to the ground at lightning speed, time went instantly into slow-mo.
The whole deal was pretty slick. No, not slippery slick, well, yeah, slippery slick. Let me try again.
The whole deal was pretty cool! Hmm, Well, DUH, things can be icy only if it's cool. Let me try again.
I pulled this fall off pretty well. Hmm, well, no, gravity pulled me down.......
ANYWAY! My heal slipped on the top step and from there my heal slipped of each step until my foot hit the ground. So, Mr. Gravity, you pulled me down the steps but I stayed upright all the way down! But, the ground must not have had the same weather information the steps had, because the ground was NOT slippery. The ground seemed to be acting as though it really was 54 degrees out, so as a result, my foot STOPPED moving as soon as it hit the {warm} HUH? ground.
That's when gravity won the battle with me. But fear not, I won the war on this fall, I jumped up, looked around to make sure I wasn't SEEN by anyone and then looked to see how bad the laundry and cloths pins fared.
The laundry basket was sitting innocently, full, not dirty, as though I put it down gently. HUH! The cloths pins didn't do so well. As I was S-L-O-W-L-Y sliding bump, bump, bump down the stairs (at lightning speed), I found enough time to notice that my cloths pins were jumping out of the bucket like rats jumping off a sinking ship.
So I survived a 4 and a half foot drop that had 4 boards in the way that could have... oh I don't want to think of how those stair/boards could have hurt me, and came out of it with a few bruises, a bucket of scattered cloths pins and a bunch of wounded pride.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Rafting on Family Rapids
Riding a raft sounds like a lot of fun until you find yourself on someone elses raft. Friday I found myself riding the rapids that only a certain maternally biologically connected person can produce.
Seems I'm the most UN trustworthy person in the whole wide world. I'm a thief and a liar. For these great titles (great if you are Baby Face Nelson) I have boxed up and stored my entire way of life for the past eight months. I greatly feared finding myself out in some unmanageable storm for dropping everything and making a marathon run to New Mexico. I did it anyway.
Why? I've been asked that question by everyone from Hospice to my neighbor to myself.
Why? Only answer I can come up with is that I wanted desperately to fix something I thought was broken. A relationship. Well, after I get done beating myself up for trying to fix the world....... (How old am I? How many times have I tried to fix other people? When will I learn?) I woke up to a friday from hell.
Woke up is the key word here... I had to take about 3 and a half days off just to get my temper/sadness/hurt under control. Ok. I'm better, right? Nooooooo. Well, yeah, oh, HELL and DAMNATION, I will survive this but I ain't liking it a single bit right now.
So. I picked two really pretty flowers that bloomed in my yard and after steeling myself got in the car and drove back to the nursing home. Feeling.... well, feeling guilty as Baby Face Nelson should have felt. You see, FS got a call from little ol lonely lady this morning and FS had to cry alone. What a shit I felt like, I felt like I dumped the whole world in FS's lap and went to a party without a care in the world.
With a pounding heart and emotions like lava flowing down the mountain into the sea I took my flowers and entered lonely lil' ol' lady's room with a bright "Hi there!"
Alec Trebbec waited patiently to find out the answer to his bonus question: Bing, bing, bing bing... the music goes. Answer, "What is a woman happy to see a family member'?
Correct! You win the round! "OH! Is that you?" Yeah, yeah, it's me, are you mean or nice today? Are you a good witch or a bad witch? I'm such a coward and if I only had a brain....
She was a good witch today, loved the flowers, "Take me outside for a cig." "Get this, do that, bring this from home, take that home with you". Hmmm. all is well on the front lines.
Sort of.
She has a teddy hanging on the door, it's a big, blue, fuzzy, soft bunny. I took it down so she could feel it. To my great surprise, she hugged it, kissed it and hugged it again. Now she's a typical lil' ol' lady in a nursing home joining the ranks of women holding baby dolls and teddy's. I don't get it, she's my mother. Never did mushy stuff. Hey Nurse, Whadya do with my mother?
I asked the nurse to give her the big, blue, fuzzy, soft bunny to her when they get done using it for an easter decoration on her door. They said they would.
All is well on Tuesday. Wonder what Wednesday, or Friday will bring? Life on the edge. Never a dull moment!
Seems I'm the most UN trustworthy person in the whole wide world. I'm a thief and a liar. For these great titles (great if you are Baby Face Nelson) I have boxed up and stored my entire way of life for the past eight months. I greatly feared finding myself out in some unmanageable storm for dropping everything and making a marathon run to New Mexico. I did it anyway.
Why? I've been asked that question by everyone from Hospice to my neighbor to myself.
Why? Only answer I can come up with is that I wanted desperately to fix something I thought was broken. A relationship. Well, after I get done beating myself up for trying to fix the world....... (How old am I? How many times have I tried to fix other people? When will I learn?) I woke up to a friday from hell.
Woke up is the key word here... I had to take about 3 and a half days off just to get my temper/sadness/hurt under control. Ok. I'm better, right? Nooooooo. Well, yeah, oh, HELL and DAMNATION, I will survive this but I ain't liking it a single bit right now.
So. I picked two really pretty flowers that bloomed in my yard and after steeling myself got in the car and drove back to the nursing home. Feeling.... well, feeling guilty as Baby Face Nelson should have felt. You see, FS got a call from little ol lonely lady this morning and FS had to cry alone. What a shit I felt like, I felt like I dumped the whole world in FS's lap and went to a party without a care in the world.
With a pounding heart and emotions like lava flowing down the mountain into the sea I took my flowers and entered lonely lil' ol' lady's room with a bright "Hi there!"
Alec Trebbec waited patiently to find out the answer to his bonus question: Bing, bing, bing bing... the music goes. Answer, "What is a woman happy to see a family member'?
Correct! You win the round! "OH! Is that you?" Yeah, yeah, it's me, are you mean or nice today? Are you a good witch or a bad witch? I'm such a coward and if I only had a brain....
She was a good witch today, loved the flowers, "Take me outside for a cig." "Get this, do that, bring this from home, take that home with you". Hmmm. all is well on the front lines.
Sort of.
She has a teddy hanging on the door, it's a big, blue, fuzzy, soft bunny. I took it down so she could feel it. To my great surprise, she hugged it, kissed it and hugged it again. Now she's a typical lil' ol' lady in a nursing home joining the ranks of women holding baby dolls and teddy's. I don't get it, she's my mother. Never did mushy stuff. Hey Nurse, Whadya do with my mother?
I asked the nurse to give her the big, blue, fuzzy, soft bunny to her when they get done using it for an easter decoration on her door. They said they would.
All is well on Tuesday. Wonder what Wednesday, or Friday will bring? Life on the edge. Never a dull moment!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
AMBUSHED!!!!
Yep. I was ambushed. First of all, Fed Ex came to deliver a package, but it wasn't for Mom, yeah, it was diapers but not adult diapers.
Sorry guys, those go next door to the lady with the baby. Wait, guys???
Fed Ex comes in pairs? OH! They don't have Fed Ex cloths, Sumptin's wrong here. I tried to close the door on them but my door was rotten, wouldn't close or latch. Non-Fed Ex number one jammed his arm in the door, I fought him and won, or so I thought..... I twisted the dead bolt but the door was dead so it didn't work.
Crap, what to do now? Oh, I know, keep your head here... Phone is in my pocket, back door is this way, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
Let em have the house, I'm outta here.
As I headed out the back door I glanced back to see the two Non-Fed Ex guys busting through the front door.
Naked. Not even good looking. Damn my luck...... Guys are so weird, they can undress so slowly but can't seem to jump on any other given duties any faster than the ever ready bunny deplete of battery power.....
Crap. I'm gonna die today. I ran, they chased, caught up with me and...
And......... I woke up. I spent the next several hours sneaking around the house, ambushing dark, empty spaces and double, triple and a gazillion times checking the locks, dead bolts, and no, the door wasn't rotted. Lock it, yank on it, inspect it, ok, it's good.
So I wasn't really ambushed, or was I? My killer-protecto-cat followed me around the house, he's my man-cat sans all the parts.... He'll watch out for me, right?
Ok. Watch the cat, if something weird is happening around here, wouldn't he sense it? Of course he would, he's an Animal. 6th sense and all that... Cat's not freaking out, so all must be well.
If I had a dollar for every time I checked the house that night Obama's stimulus package would be paid for many times over.
Now it's getting really late and I've worn myself down enough that I think I can go back to sleep. Ok, one more check for the road.... And I was ambushed AGAIN!!!!
Seems Protecto-Cat was having a good time watching me pass back and forth and decided to have a little fun with the end of my bathrobe as it swished past him in the living room.
As I passed the coffee table he charged out and wrapped his killer-kitty paws around my legs. "Ha, GOTTCH!". My heart skipped enough beats to have me declared legally dead. I grabbed him up, tossed him into the bedroom and locked the bedroom door.
What a night!
I spent the next several hours
Sorry guys, those go next door to the lady with the baby. Wait, guys???
Fed Ex comes in pairs? OH! They don't have Fed Ex cloths, Sumptin's wrong here. I tried to close the door on them but my door was rotten, wouldn't close or latch. Non-Fed Ex number one jammed his arm in the door, I fought him and won, or so I thought..... I twisted the dead bolt but the door was dead so it didn't work.
Crap, what to do now? Oh, I know, keep your head here... Phone is in my pocket, back door is this way, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
Let em have the house, I'm outta here.
As I headed out the back door I glanced back to see the two Non-Fed Ex guys busting through the front door.
Naked. Not even good looking. Damn my luck...... Guys are so weird, they can undress so slowly but can't seem to jump on any other given duties any faster than the ever ready bunny deplete of battery power.....
Crap. I'm gonna die today. I ran, they chased, caught up with me and...
And......... I woke up. I spent the next several hours sneaking around the house, ambushing dark, empty spaces and double, triple and a gazillion times checking the locks, dead bolts, and no, the door wasn't rotted. Lock it, yank on it, inspect it, ok, it's good.
So I wasn't really ambushed, or was I? My killer-protecto-cat followed me around the house, he's my man-cat sans all the parts.... He'll watch out for me, right?
Ok. Watch the cat, if something weird is happening around here, wouldn't he sense it? Of course he would, he's an Animal. 6th sense and all that... Cat's not freaking out, so all must be well.
If I had a dollar for every time I checked the house that night Obama's stimulus package would be paid for many times over.
Now it's getting really late and I've worn myself down enough that I think I can go back to sleep. Ok, one more check for the road.... And I was ambushed AGAIN!!!!
Seems Protecto-Cat was having a good time watching me pass back and forth and decided to have a little fun with the end of my bathrobe as it swished past him in the living room.
As I passed the coffee table he charged out and wrapped his killer-kitty paws around my legs. "Ha, GOTTCH!". My heart skipped enough beats to have me declared legally dead. I grabbed him up, tossed him into the bedroom and locked the bedroom door.
What a night!
I spent the next several hours
Friday, March 13, 2009
Clones
Cloning is a process whereby a scientist in a deep underground laboratory somewhere in a vast desert far away captures cells and grows them into things like exact replicas or maybe cows with extra legs.
So, the theory is that if I cloned myself then the world would be subjected to another me for another X amount of years after I'm gone or maybe (hee hee hee hee) two or three of me while me, the original, is still walking around. Ohh, that would be a pretty powerful tool in a relationship, "Honey, if you don't do what I want I'm gonna pull three more of me to gang up on you". "Yes dear" would be the standard answer.
Oh Yeahhhhh!!
I've been told I'm a clone, a clone of my own mother. AHHHHGGGGHHHHH! NOOOOOOO! Say it isn't so!!!!! Oh, wait, she's intelligent, good looking, talented...... ok, NO!!!! Yeah, NO!!!!!
It could be true, I've heard her voice and words come out of my own mouth, directed towards my children when she was miles and MILES away. Now I know she's a Mother, has eyes in the back of her head, and I truly believe she can see through walls and across the yard..... Maybe it was her, and I only thought it was me speaking. OH NO! Maybe she's clairvoyant and, being a Mother, has special powers and she just blips into my body now and then.....
Oh, this is getting complicated... But it gets worse.
There seems to be three of us, all clones of each other. Me, Mom, and my sister. Aw geez, that could be good, it could be a disaster!
We were all three rolling/walking down the hallway at the nursing home, following our Mother as she was going to the shower. Just before my sister and I turned off to go home we heard her say to the nurse, "Do you have my shirt?" "Yes" came the answer from the poor nurse. "Do you have my pants?" "Yes", and "Do you have my Undies?" "Yes."
My sister and I looked at each other, eyebrows slightly raised and moved on to the car. On the way home my sister drove and I said "Make a left here" and "Slow down for this turn" and it hit us. There are three of us walking around in this world!
Next day we went to visit her again and our fears were confirmed. Mom said, "Don't forget to turn your headlights on when you drive home".
Clones. Some mad scientist in a deep underground laboratory in a desert far, far away met with success. He made three of us.
I wonder if his name was Dr. Fletcher?
So, the theory is that if I cloned myself then the world would be subjected to another me for another X amount of years after I'm gone or maybe (hee hee hee hee) two or three of me while me, the original, is still walking around. Ohh, that would be a pretty powerful tool in a relationship, "Honey, if you don't do what I want I'm gonna pull three more of me to gang up on you". "Yes dear" would be the standard answer.
Oh Yeahhhhh!!
I've been told I'm a clone, a clone of my own mother. AHHHHGGGGHHHHH! NOOOOOOO! Say it isn't so!!!!! Oh, wait, she's intelligent, good looking, talented...... ok, NO!!!! Yeah, NO!!!!!
It could be true, I've heard her voice and words come out of my own mouth, directed towards my children when she was miles and MILES away. Now I know she's a Mother, has eyes in the back of her head, and I truly believe she can see through walls and across the yard..... Maybe it was her, and I only thought it was me speaking. OH NO! Maybe she's clairvoyant and, being a Mother, has special powers and she just blips into my body now and then.....
Oh, this is getting complicated... But it gets worse.
There seems to be three of us, all clones of each other. Me, Mom, and my sister. Aw geez, that could be good, it could be a disaster!
We were all three rolling/walking down the hallway at the nursing home, following our Mother as she was going to the shower. Just before my sister and I turned off to go home we heard her say to the nurse, "Do you have my shirt?" "Yes" came the answer from the poor nurse. "Do you have my pants?" "Yes", and "Do you have my Undies?" "Yes."
My sister and I looked at each other, eyebrows slightly raised and moved on to the car. On the way home my sister drove and I said "Make a left here" and "Slow down for this turn" and it hit us. There are three of us walking around in this world!
Next day we went to visit her again and our fears were confirmed. Mom said, "Don't forget to turn your headlights on when you drive home".
Clones. Some mad scientist in a deep underground laboratory in a desert far, far away met with success. He made three of us.
I wonder if his name was Dr. Fletcher?
Sunshine and Lollipops?
Well today marks one week since the big, tough, scary decision to move Mom into a nursing home. Friday was a dark day indeed, Mom hated my ever living guts. Not such a surprise there, who wants to go to a nursing home? Not such a surprise there too as this isn't the first time she's hated my ever living guts.
My sister and I gave ourselves the key to the flood gates, allowing rivers of sadness, sorrow and a little bit of doubt to run it's course and trickle away into clearer thinking.
The second day of nursing nursing home life for Mom, we went to see her with GREAT trepidation, thinking she would not be any where near adjusted or even over being mad about the whole thing..(who could blame her?) and what we found was, was..... Hmmmmm.
I looked around her new room, up and down the halls, Hmmmm, everything looked normal.. people walking around, 'Good morning' and 'how are yew' and smiles coming at me... Hmmm. I looked back at Mom, 'The people are really nice here' and 'this is a nice place' sounds were coming out of her lips, through a bright face and pleasant smiling lips.... I began to wonder just what Fletcher had done this time as I was sure I was on the wrong planet.
What happened to yesterday when everyone was mad at everyone and the world seemed upside down? Ohhhhhhh, THAT'S it,
Yesterday the world was turned upside down and I fell off! I must be on some other planet right now, these people are not earthlings and the smiling woman in front of me saying pleasant things could NOT be my real mother!
Now the question was, do I want to go back to planet Earth where everything was so dark yesterday or do I want to stay on this planet where everything is sunshine and lollipops.
I like sunshine and lollipops.
I guess the sunshine and lollipops gods decided to let me stay because I've been here a week and the lady that looks like my Mother is still smiling.
Fletcher, if you tried to throw a wrench in my works, it didn't work! I think your wrench fixed a few leaking pipes, I can say that because none of us, Mom, myself or my sister have any more water problems on our faces.
I'm sure the nursing home thing isn't what we all would have chosen if we had our druthers, but I'm also sure all involved have figured out how to make the best of it. (Well, most of us but that's another story)
Sunshine and Lollipops. Thanks, Fletch.
My sister and I gave ourselves the key to the flood gates, allowing rivers of sadness, sorrow and a little bit of doubt to run it's course and trickle away into clearer thinking.
The second day of nursing nursing home life for Mom, we went to see her with GREAT trepidation, thinking she would not be any where near adjusted or even over being mad about the whole thing..(who could blame her?) and what we found was, was..... Hmmmmm.
I looked around her new room, up and down the halls, Hmmmm, everything looked normal.. people walking around, 'Good morning' and 'how are yew' and smiles coming at me... Hmmm. I looked back at Mom, 'The people are really nice here' and 'this is a nice place' sounds were coming out of her lips, through a bright face and pleasant smiling lips.... I began to wonder just what Fletcher had done this time as I was sure I was on the wrong planet.
What happened to yesterday when everyone was mad at everyone and the world seemed upside down? Ohhhhhhh, THAT'S it,
Yesterday the world was turned upside down and I fell off! I must be on some other planet right now, these people are not earthlings and the smiling woman in front of me saying pleasant things could NOT be my real mother!
Now the question was, do I want to go back to planet Earth where everything was so dark yesterday or do I want to stay on this planet where everything is sunshine and lollipops.
I like sunshine and lollipops.
I guess the sunshine and lollipops gods decided to let me stay because I've been here a week and the lady that looks like my Mother is still smiling.
Fletcher, if you tried to throw a wrench in my works, it didn't work! I think your wrench fixed a few leaking pipes, I can say that because none of us, Mom, myself or my sister have any more water problems on our faces.
I'm sure the nursing home thing isn't what we all would have chosen if we had our druthers, but I'm also sure all involved have figured out how to make the best of it. (Well, most of us but that's another story)
Sunshine and Lollipops. Thanks, Fletch.
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