Dummer Ants

It's been an up-and-down week, watching poor ol' maternal figure cry out in pain as the nurses shuffle her around to change her bedding, mess with her butt sore and try unsuccessfully to keep her on her side. She can cough better on her side, not to mention keeping off the horrible looking hole in her back side.

The poor thing is in a diaper and goes potty from a laying down position on a bed pan. I feel more sorry for her loss of dignity than I could ever feel sorrow for her pain and impending loss of life.... But she has a way of making it all better. Sort of like kissing a boo-boo better when I was 5 years old.

The other day I had a spoon of some kind of nursing home slop they call lunch and she was trying to grab for the spoon. Instead, she latched onto my index finger and pulled, pulled harder, and pulled yet again as a puzzled look crept onto her face. "You're pulling my finger, Mom" I told her. "Oops!" she said as the puzzled look was replaced by a small grin. Her eyes can't see, haven't seen a thing sans hallucinations for years, but that doesn't mean those eyes can't twinkle with mischief! "I might regret that" was her answer. Silly woman, I chuckled with her.

She tries so hard to chat, but her mouth simply doesn't obey her brain-commands sometimes, she was mumbling something about ant poison. Remembering a Murder Mystery we watched on TV a hundred years ago when she was still here at the house? Not sure... But I got the jist, we're talking about ant poison now, ok, I can follow that line.

I launch into a story about how I put ant poison on the ant hills in my yard but instead of dying, the ants simply move 2 feet over and start a new hill. In all her wisdom, (for surely old people have much wisdom to share); "Maybe you need dummer ants" she mumbles. I snicker, giggle, she smiles.

I popped in to see her the other day, she grabs for me in a panic, "WHERE'S THE DOG!?" The dog? The dog is with Ron. "Ok", she says, then; "WHERE'S THE CAT, WHERE IS THE CAT????" Her hand was flailing around, looking for my hand, or maybe the cat.

"The cat is home, on the porch", I tell her. "Oh", she settles down again. Next question from her was; "Are you going to Las Cruces today"? Las Cruces? I don't think so! I tell her no, she asks why and I explain that Las Cruces is a long, long way. She asked where I was going if not Las Cruces, I tell her I'm going home. "HOME?? That's an awful long drive, isn't it"? she asks

Aww, geez, she thinks she's back in New Mexico. I explained that home was close, about 25 miles, "Just up the road, Mom, real close". I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she tried to process that information. I saw her face relax as she separated the un-known from the known. 'Oh, yeah, I'm in Tennessee' was the read on her face. Poor thing...

I talked her into going outside for lunch yesterday, the nurses lifted her into a geri-chair and wheeled her outside. It was really nice out, about 70 degrees with a fantastic breeze. The breeze was trying to blow in some rain but only managed to blow in a TON of humidity. This made her cough uncontrollably and she was rushed back inside for her oxygen. Oh, I felt bad, but I'm glad she got to go outside. I think if she had her druthers, she'd die outside as opposed to inside....
The nurses shuffled her back into bed, amid her cries of pain. (She reminds me of my liquid cat, just hanging there in their arms). When they got her back on the bed they said "There, that wasn't so bad, right?" Mom said she had her doubts, that they might drop her. Then she said, "But I bounce, bounce like a ball". I guess she should know, she's been dropped here, once by me, once by my brother. Yes, she bounces like a ball, but more than physically, she bounces back to 'happy' even in the face of death. What can I learn from her?