How big is the party gonna be?

Well, funeral day is here. I went to have my 'private viewing' yesterday. guess it's some kind of southern thing, or maybe I just don't know because I haven't had the pleasure of gazing on a dead body in, oh, about 3 decades or so.

So I goes to the funeral home, the guy offers me a look-see. His query, 'do you want some private time with yore Mama" sounded more like, "Here, I'll show you where she is 'cause I know you wanna go gawk at her". He sat back in one of the chairs, looking like the man he was trying to be, 'it's ok, suhweety, I'll hold you when (not if, WHEN) you collapse cause it's so hard to lose your Mama".

"How does she look?" What a question. She looks dead. How's she supposed to look? I just wonder why they made her so hard and cold. So mean old me says, "a bit much on the makeup, lipstick? I requested no lipstick". "Oh, honey", (don't call me honey when I'm having a bad day); "Oh honey, her lips were discoloured. and her skin needed a little touching up". Ok, why did you make her smile/grimace? "Oh, honey, her mouth was hangin open, you didn't want that, did you"? Ok, ok, leave it alone, she's gone, it's just a shell, I'll never look at her grimace again, forget it.

"I washed her pretty hair, blah blah" the guy was rambling on. Know what I wanted to ask? I wanted to ask how did he suck the brain out, did he use an old Egyptian method?

Geez, I'm so weird. I didn't ask.

So Kid # 1 isn't here, work work work. (guess it could have been me stuck in California on a load and someone else doing this crap, Oh, I'm not that lucky)!

Kid #2 decided to have a temper fit, not answer his phone, not return my call. Instead he called Kid #4 and ranted about how he wants that money and I refused to allow him and his wife to stay at my house for the funeral. What a jerk, (bless his heart), I never told him he couldn't stay here, it was never even discussed. Supposedly he's not coming but I bet he sneaks in at planting time. Did I say What a Jerk? Yeah, I think so, but I'll say it again. Sheesh.

Kid #4 decided not to come, too much tension between Jerk, oops, my fingers slipped; Kid #2 and myself. Oh, and the guy he had to see to get travel rights closed 8 minutes before he got there. He still could have made the trip but he's got his own thing with anger and confusion. He wants pics of the funeral. Icky, but ok.

So that leaves Kid #3, me, mahself and I, bless mah heart, an Uncle, Aunt and one cousin. And half the neighbor hood, hospice, nursing home staff, maybe a few crows and, if we're lucky, an armadillo or two. Cat has to stay home, poor creature, he's been a mess. How do cats know, anyway? Oh, and maybe a raindrop or two might show up, who knows?

So, goodbye, Mom, see ya on the other side.