Tomorrow

Tomorrow, being a new day, brings me to the task of deciding a few things; 1) Am I going to repeat the same-ol same-ol tomorrow? And 2) If not, what am I going to do different?

My idea is to start a schedule, well, that's not really a tomorrow idea, that was a today idea. It failed miserably today, but, alas, failure is an invitation to try again and do it better.

Failure is the door that opens to better ideas, pull-your-bootstraps-up and try again. Try again? Well, sort of, remember that the definition on insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So try again means take a step back, think about what worked today and what didn't.

Sort of like posting all the day's events on a little piece of paper, shuffling through them and throwing out what ever didn't work or doesn't fit.

Today I tried to serve only decalf coffee and not serve any anxiety meds. I wanted to see if I could keep things calm without much intervention.

Ehhhhh! Wrong! About 2 this afternoon I found my self running around like a chicken with my head cut off, which I KNOW I promised myself I would STOP doing. I tried shutting the den door with a 'Bang' to let her know I mean what I say when I say 'I'm busy'.

I've decided that she is WAY more persistant and manipulative than I could have ever imagined. Today, in the course of ignoring her, she burned the end of her finger trying to light her own cig. Now she's pretty good at lighting up alone, she's been doing it blind for 15 years. I noticed she only burns the finger when I'm busy. AND she only tells me how much it hurts after I've gotten tough on her. AND her leg only hurts when she wants attention.

Yesterday I went for a one hour walk with my neighbor. I used to walk with her everyday, but the winter cold has kept us both in. We offered to plop Mom in the wheel chair and take her along. Mom declined.

When I got back from my walk, guess who WASN'T on the couch? Yep, you got it. She was coming out of the master bathroom. Not her bathroom, the bathroom in my bedroom. "Hey, Mom, are you lost?" I asked. Seems she made a left instead of a right trying to go outside.

GO OUTSIDE?????? With me gone. Oh, hail mary and ghost get me, she's trying to wonder outside onto a porch that's 4, that's FOUR feet off the ground. Alone. Making lefts instead of rights.

Guess what we argued about yestereday? Getting her a visiting care-taker so I can leave the house and not worry. She said no, I said yes.

Guess who won? Yep, me and the cat. We won and I'm getting her a sitter so I can go for a FREAKIN' walk 1/2 mile up the road and back.

To get back on track, tomorrow I'm going to schedule meals again and this time I'm going to get tough about closing the kitchen when the day is done. She ate like a fat man in a hot-dog eating contest today. I don't believe she was hungry, I believe she was trying to keep me focused on her instead of napping, talking on the phone, spending down time on the computer. "Did you feed the horses yet?" she asked. "I'm on the way out now," is my answer. "Get me a cup of coffee" was her answer.

Out came the pre-teen, mumbling under my breath. I gave her a thermos of coffee today and she didn't use it because 'the cat stole the lid'. Well, then, why didn't the coffee spill out????

Tomorrow is another day.... and I'm gonna make it a good one for me. You just watch!